I'm all for self expression, and I'm all for people riding their bikes. If people need some kind of eccentric bike to motivate them to get out and pedal, then good for them.
Sometimes though, the power of the internet drops something into our lap that defies convention and circumvents all common sense.
The “FacePalm Files” chronicles these tales.
The defiled Dean
What happens when you take about $4,500 and give it to someone without a clue? You end up with the poor Dean seen here. Despite the fact that Ridley spent a small fortune in the wind tunnel to produce “the world's fastest bike,” some silly fella looked at the TT specific Dean and thought “That'd make a swell commuter.” He also seemed to think that Corima tubulars are a pretty astute choice for the mean streets between his hipster den and the Shake Shack; after all the aero benefit along his commute will allow him to sleep 15 seconds longer.
Really?
Never mind the fact that there's a giant “SaddleNutz” saddle bag hanging off the back of the (upturned saddle) and forget the really cheap platform pedals, for these are typical livery for a commuter (and occasionally on a proper road machine.) No, the most important thing to consider here are the concept of turning the “world's fastest bike” into a SINGLESPEED! Obviously to be the fastest (hipster), you have to have only one gear and forsake all others…
Really?
Up front, this machine sports some of the hippest headset hardware I've ever seen. Gone are the silly aero bars, obviously designed for Cirque du Soleil acrobats and replacing them is a hipster-friendly flat bar. While that in itself should help destroy the carefully thought out aero properties of the Dean, the stack of spacers starts the “Stairway to Hipster Heaven” build. But wait…when those 10 cm of spacers isn't enough to put this speedy commuter in a comfortable position, he's utilized an adjustable stem set to about +45 degrees. Yes folks, stemrection alert! If it persists for more than 4 hours contact your doctor and discontinue your Viagra immediately. Sprinkle in stylish locking Lizard Skin grips, some cheap brake levers (I guess you shouldn't remove the brakes when you don't ride it hipster-fixed), a cheap Cateye computer and a purple bell, and you've got the complete package. Honestly, if he spent $4,500 on a frame and wheels you'd think he could at least spring for a Garmin or something. And the purple bell just clashes with the red/white/black color scheme, not to mention being completely at odds with the function of the frame in general.
Dean's rebirth
While I wouldn't want to toot my own horn, but it appears that the owner of the Defiled Dean has shown it a little love. Look at those Lightweights man! I'll bet between those sexy new tubs and the removal of the “SaddleNutz” have upped his average speed by 3 miles per hour and cut his commute by 40%. It's the only logical conclusion for such upgrades.
But that's not all…
IT HAS REPRODUCED! While not nearly as egregious an offense as its inspirational cousin, nonetheless we have the “World's Fastest Bike” turned singlespeed with Corima tubs, flat bar and spacers. Of course, in this case the steam is not nearly as aroused and it's even color matched to the bike and saddle.
I'll bet his commute is longer though, especially without those sweet Lightweights….
