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Cyclops Turbo Trainer: Utter Bastard Machine

This guy on ebay UK not only has a hell of a sense of humor, but he has a serious distaste for his CycleOps Wind Trainer:

I'm selling this bastard thing because i HATE it.  

I’m sure there are people out there who like or even have a perverse love affair with their turbo trainer. It might even attract some sort of love/hate duality. I know for a fact that some people, many of them ostensibly sane with some hideously rapid times to their name, view the turbo as the essential piece of training equipment. Personally, i’d rather rip my face off and dive into a bath of saline solution than use this horrible piece of apparatus. It’s utterly soul-destroying and mind-numbing, which is a pretty vicious combination.

The straw that broke the camel's back:

I thought i might do a ‘quick’ turbo session this evening. The reason being that the weather is pretty terrible and i hadn’t got the time to head down to the lake for the first race of the season. By the time i’d sorted out the rear turbo wheel by putting a tyre on and then pinching an inner tube, then changing the tyre and putting a new tube in, switching the cassette and setting up the bike and then setting up the computer with ‘The Flying Scotsman’ on the iplayer with headphones and subtitles (because of fearsome noise) to alleviate the dreadful and crushing ennui of it all and then got changed and put some water within reach and found my sweaty turbo towel that hasn’t been washed since the last time i dared to ride the bastard (turbo, not turbo towel) and wrestled with the quick release mechanism and then adjusted the height with a series of books under the front wheel by getting on and off about four times then adjusting the saddle height then going back and adjusting the resistance about 6 times with the manual turny thing, i’d wasted about 55 minutes. This was about as long as i intended to spend on the bastard piece of shit.

I managed about 11 minutes at about 70% of max before two things happened. The iplayer began to freeze and unfreeze, robbing me of the only thing that helped me think that i wasn’t actually on the turbo, and then without warning the back wheel leapt out of the dropout clasps and i had to do an emergency unclip and braking manouevre ON THE GODDAMNED TURBO just to stay alive. i suddenly lurched towards the computer where Graeme Obree was riding off the front of some sort of Tour of the Scottish Prettylands in the early part of the film and very nearly ended up joining the crazed circular-breathing scotsman on the silver screen.

If you're made of far stronger stuff than I am, and I'm thinking Ivan Drago in Rocky 4 when he kills Apollo Creed to death – that sort of stronger stuff – and think you can handle the savage bestiality of the CYCLOPS WIND TURBO then please, please, please buy this REPULSIVE ITEM. 

 

Awesome.  Just plain awesome.  Basically, this sums up how I feel about my trainer.

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First Impressions: Michelin Pro 4 Race Service Course

Having retired my Vittoria Rubino Pros after about 5500 miles on them (and finally wearing through to the cords) I was in the hunt for a new set of rubber.  As luck would have it, the Trexlertown VeloFest a couple weeks ago, and it was the perfect opportunity to score some new rubber at a good price.  As luck would have it, I picked up a pair of Michelin Pro 4 Race Service Courses for $70, which was a pretty decent deal (and no tax either.)  While I was not terribly fond of the Pro Race 3 (both for longevity and puncture reasons) I was willing to give these a go.

What's new?

Well, like any new product, “substantial research” was put into the development of the Pro 4.  Michelin claims longer lifespan due to a dual tread compound with a more durable center tread.  They also claim that technology trickling down from MotoGP has led to a more pointed profile which rolls faster and corners 13% better than the Pro 3.  Tests apparently showed that the average lean angle increased from 21 degrees to 27.5 degrees before slipping.  And most importantly, durability and puncture resistance has been increased substantially. All this supposed improvement led me to take a chance (although to be honest, at $35 per tire, it's not much of a risk.)

Michelin Pro 4 Race Service Course

First impressions

My Rubino Pros weighed in at an average of 236 grams.  The Pro 4s weighed in at 198 grams (average.)  This equated to a total savings of 72 grams (about 1/6th of a pound, which isn't much.)  The Pro 4s were quite a bit harder to mount up than the Vittorias, even for a set of new tires.  They were TIGHT on the rim and I had to actually work to get them on, but they may stretch slightly over time.  Once inflated, they are definitely more of an oblong/pointed profile as opposed to a round profile, and they seem to be closer to a true 23mm tire than the 23mm Rubino Pros (which were more like a 25mm.)

Sidebar:  Yes, I know all about the research that shows how larger contact patches roll faster etc etc, but honestly the difference is so minimal that I'd sooner go for a better quality tire then a wider tire that rolls .001 mph faster.  Now, back to the review at hand.

I inflated the front to 85 PSI and the rear to about 92 PSI and took off on a 67 mile ride.  Right out of the gate, the Pro 4s seem to roll a bit quicker: while it's impossible to quantify via hard data, the Pro 4's didn't seem sluggish when coasting.  Cornering seemed to be somewhat better than the Rubinos as well, but this could be due to the slick Pro 4 shoulders.  The Vittorias felt a little “squishy” when being pushed to the absolute limit, which I chalk up to the shoulder siping squirming around a bit.  Ride quality seemed to be a little compromised, which could very well be chalked up to the 110 tpi of the Pro 4 compared to the 150 tpi of the Rubino and the smaller volume.  I wouldn't call it rough, but it certainly is a little bit more “chattery” which may be a turn-off for some riders.  The best thing: no flats, even in wet conditions with cinders (and even some gravel roads.)

Overall

Since I've mounted them, I'v put about 250 miles on them.  250 miles is really not even close to enough time to form a solid opinion on these, but you know what they say: you only have one chance to make a first impression.  So far, the Pro 4s have made a good one, and I hope that continues to be the case.

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Open Letter to Garmin

Dear Garmin,

It's been painfully obvious to even the most casual observer that the fitness end of your business model is far from a primary concern to your executives.  Between continually pushing back your “revolutionary” Vector power meter, firmware that is loaded with bugs, devices that crash frequently and expensive, limited use mapping cards.

Yet another dead sensor.But perhaps the most egregious infraction, at least in my mind, is the crappy quality sensor that you bundle with your cycling GPS units.  For something with supposedly so much research in it, how in the hell can you build such a shoddy product?  First of all, the design of the speed sensor arm lends it to being caught up in the spokes any time it should shift even a small amount.  Secondly, the quality of the Reed switch in the speed sensor arm is utter crap.

I've been through five speed/cadence sensors in the past year (including two in the past WEEK!)  Each and every time the Reed switch has gone bad, either from a small shock or just random cessation of existence.  Seriously…there has got to be a way for you to make a decent quality sensor without losing money on it (although you seem to be fine with losing money, what with the Vector program purchase and subsequent failure….)

So while you're busy ironing out the Vector trainwreck, I implore you, on behalf of all the useless speed sensors out there, USE MORE ROBUST ELECTRONICS!

Since this request will probably fall upon deaf ears, perhaps there is a way to attach a more robust sensor to the existing Garmin unit, even if it's not a pretty solution.  I'll try that in the future and post results of how it works out.

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Vittoria Rubino Pro Tire Review

When looking for tires, most people have a set of requirements based upon their riding conditions: lightweight and supple for racing on smooth roads, durable, high volume and puncture resistant for riding gravel grinders, or somewhere in between for everyday training tires.  In most cases, training tires are durable, all condition clinchers that won't leave you stranded by a puncture from a road cinder the size of a pin head.  Vittoria's [easyazon_link identifier=”B000HDNCHI” locale=”US” nw=”y” nf=”n” tag=”taicoaandthed-20″]Rubino Pro[/easyazon_link] fits all these requirements, which is why I've put about 5000 miles on a pair of them.  Here are the results of a season's riding:

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Facepalm Files: The Defiled Dean

StarTrekFacePalmI'm all for self expression, and I'm all for people riding their bikes.  If people need some kind of eccentric bike to motivate them to get out and pedal, then good for them.

Sometimes though, the power of the internet drops something into our lap that defies convention and circumvents all common sense.

The “FacePalm Files” chronicles these tales.

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